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Family Re-Union 4: The Family and the Media |
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Sunday, July 10, 1994
1:00 - 5:00 p.m.
Tennessee State University Campus Center
Approximately 75 researchers, program leaders and policy makers gathered for a discussion about why men are important in children's lives, effective strategies for engaging men, and related policy issues.
1:00-1:10 p.m. Welcome
Dr. James Hefner, President, Tennessee State University, Nashville, TN Vice President Al Gore
1:10 - 2:25 p.m. "Why Do Children Need Men In Their Lives?"
The Vice President and Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota Children, Youth and Family Consortium, comoderated a discussion of the latest research in the field of fatherhood and male involvement with children. They and three other experts in the field, Dr. Waldo Johnson, Dr. Richard Weinberg and Richard Louv, posed a series of questions to the audience.
Highlights of the discussion included: FATHERING IS LEARNED: CHILDREN NEED ROLE MODELS
It is difficult for a boy to understand the responsibilities and expectations of fathering when there is no father or male role model present in his life.
FATHERHOOD - A ROLE WITH MANY POSSIBILITIES
There was some discussion regarding the defining of fatherhood and whether this is a necessary and important task.
Some research has defined four major roles of fathering: breadwinner, moral teacher, sex role teacher and nurturing father. Most of the research has focused on the sex identity role that fathers play; more recently research has examined the nurturing role of fathers. There are many other roles that fathers play. Examples include the "village builder," e.g., actively participating in the neighborhood's well-being; dad-patrol in schools; Scout leader; and, an elder of an extended family. There is also a spiritual dimension that fathers bring to the role and to the family. Thus, fathers define their roles in many different ways. Research to date does not say much about what fathers bring that is unique vs. to what extent parental roles may be interchangeable irrespective of gender.
There is a tension related to the issue of defining fatherhood. It may be helpful to do so for researchers and policy makers, but may not be in the best interests of the child if we define the role (and therefore prescribe or narrow it). We know that fathers are important in the lives of children. Let us spend our efforts in getting fathers more involved with their children.
WHAT THE RESEARCH SHOWS: CHILDREN NEED CONSISTENCY AND SENSITIVITY FROM BOTH PARENTS Children need a continuing relationship with responsible, sensitive and caring parents, regardless of the structure of the family. It has been shown that children can have healthy development in divorced families, gay and lesbian families, and other types of family structures. It is the quality of the relationship that the parents have with the child that most influences that child's development. Research has not fully addressed the special challenges that children may face in alternative family structures and the strategies that will help children deal effectively with those challenges.
Research shows that when mothers get strong emotional, financial, and other support from fathers, children are more likely to be healthier. This effect holds true even in divorce situations.
A general conclusion from many studies is that father absence can cause adverse effects in boys, particularly if father absence occurs before age 5. Boys show poor school performance, poor relationships with peers, problems with impulse control and have a variety of adjustment issues. The effects of father absence show up later for girls. Adolescent girls have difficulty in establishing relationships with other men.
Discussion on where research is lacking:
RESEARCH ON PARENTING MUST INCLUDE FATHERS
Too few studies consider the role of fathers; research on parenting usually only includes mothers. It was suggested that this situation could be changed by asking funding agencies to withhold support from research that only considers mothers as caregivers.
RESEARCH ON PARENTING MUST INCLUDE DIVERSITY
African-American, Latino and other communities of color have not been adequately represented in family research. While studies have looked at father involvement after divorce, few have studied never-married dads. The role of fathers in blended families also needs to be studied.
2:30 - 3:30 p.m. "What Are Effective Programs And Strategies For Bringing Fathers And Other Men Into The Lives Of Children In A Positive Way?"
Vice President Gore and Ralph Smith, Director of the Philadelphia Children's Network, moderated a discussion of successful programs and the response of communities. Seated with them were Charles Ballard, Barbara Clinton and James Levine.
Highlights included:
PROMOTING FAMILIES THROUGH ESTABLISHMENT OF PATERNITY
Paternity needs to be established at birth. This should be as much an issue of engaging the father emotionally in his child's life as getting him to fulfill his financial obligation. Effective programs help to bring fathers into their children's lives regardless of their financial situation.
ALL CHILDREN AND YOUTH MUST HAVE PARENTING EDUCATION
Schools should have a role in educating boys (and girls) to be parents. Part of high school curricula should be courses on child development and family studies. Additional curricula could be created by churches, planned parenthood, and other institutions within the community, allowing families to choose courses that are compatible with their own values.
FATHER TO FATHER PROGRAMS
Role models are needed for young men and boys to understand what constitutes a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship between a father and child. This can be done by mentoring and/or by other modeling within the community, including such programs as one to one home visiting and father to father groups. Effective programs that help to educate men about roles, expectations and responsibilities of fathering often include a focus on employment, general education, and mediation skills.
Innovative programs need to be created to help men get involved in children's lives. For example, one Head Start program allowed men whose families were on AFDC to work in the program at a reduced salary so that they were not removed from their benefits. After 96 hours, a decision was made to offer the individual a permanent job at regular wages if he met certain standards. This program allowed men to feel useful, to develop job skills, to enhance their ability to interact with young children, and to move toward becoming self-supporting. Children benefited from having men in roles too often filled only by women.
Participants agreed there is a need for better ongoing dissemination of information on effective strategies for involving fathers and other men in children's lives. FATHERNET could be one important vehicle for that kind of information exchange. EVERYONE IS INVITED TO SUBMIT PROGRAM DESCRIPTIONS AND DISCUSSION OF EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES TO FATHERNET.
4:30 - 5:00 p.m. What Are The Public Policy Issues That Must Be Addressed If We Are To Bring Men Into Children's Lives In A More Positive Way? How Can We Bring About The Necessary Change Of Heart?"
Vice President Gore, Tipper Gore and Tennessee Department of Human Services Commissioner Bob Grunow moderated this final discussion with the audience.
Participants identified several major barriers that prevent men from active involvement in their children's lives: 1. Men are not reconciled with their own fathers; 2. Men have grown up without male mentors and role models; 3. They have not developed the skills for being involved; 4. There is a lack of livable resources; thus, men are preoccupied with issues of survival and their own usefulness; 5. There is a lack of support from many arenas, e.g., business, education, and personal, which doesn't allow men to be fathers.
EXAMPLES OF SPECIFIC POLICY BARRIERS
Men are not allowed to qualify for job training if they are already employed. This policy does not allow men to advance into better employment.
Women are cut off from AFDC and other benefits when their co-parent returns to the home or when paternity is established. This policy keeps husbands and wives apart and has a significant impact on each involved child.
Businesses do not encourage and promote paternity leave. It was reported that many men are afraid to take their company's offer for paternity leave because they are afraid it might jeopardize their future employment with their company. There is a social stigma when men utilize the parental leave time that is guaranteed by law.
We need policies that reward commitment to family and positive involvement in children's lives. And we need the change of heart that will allow those policies to be implemented and utilized to their fullest.
Family Re-Union 3
8:30-8:55 a.m. Welcoming Ceremony
Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, Director, University of Minnesota Children, Youth and Family Consortium
The Select Singers, W.O. SMITH Nashville Community Music School Commissioner Bob Grunow, Department of Human Services, Tennessee The Honorable Ned McWherter, Governor, Tennessee, Vice President Al Gore
8:55-9:05 a.m. Film Collage
Images of men in children's lives seen through the lens of American film and television
9:05-9:20 a.m. Opening Remarks
Vice President Al Gore The Vice President's comments are unavailable for FATHERNET at this time.
9:25-10:45 a.m. Men's Forum
Vice President Gore lead 28 men who have made a commitment to children, their own and others, in a discussion of the issues surrounding their involvement. Participant list can be found at end of proceedings.
SOME OF THE THOUGHTS AND IDEAS RAISED AT THIS FORUM
Families include fathers - we need to change the assumption that only mothers are necessary for parenting.
Children show a hunger and longing for paternal presence - programs need to change to reflect this need.
Men are interested - men want to lend a helping hand. Women and mothers need to help men and fathers to be more involved. It is time for the coalition.
Research shows that when dads are involved in children's lives, these children are healthier, happier and school performance is better.
We must help mothers and fathers to work on their marital relationship because, "In the war of the parents, the children suffer."
People at the conference were asked to be more involved in their community and its children's lives.
We may need more money and different resources for the lower-income communities because the problems may be different than what is represented within the mainstream culture.
We need multiple approaches in order to reach those at the bottom.
Some minority cultures feel detached from the mainstream culture.
Let's allow prisoners to communicate with their children by electronic mail.
Men will stay more gainfully employed when they are feeling good about their families.
We need role models, not heroes.
We need policies that tie child support payments and visitation.
We must change the attitudes within the workplace in order that fathers be given more importance in the lives of their children.
We haven't spent enough time talking to boys about fatherhood. And we have to model excellence, not just talk about it.
Men must take responsibility for their violent behavior; domestic violence is not acceptable.
We need to put pressure on the media to change the stereotypes of men and fathers When children watch television shows, they may not know what is fact or fiction.
It takes a community to raise a family.
Girl Scouts get a merit badge for parenting but Boy Scouts can't.
There was a challenge put forward for all men to take on one child who hasn't got a man in his or her life.
Many of the problems are rooted in joblessness - we need to expand employment in inner cities.
There is a need for more programs that support fathers to become involved in children's lives.
There was a request for Vice President Gore to hold a National Day for Dads - bringing all institutions together, churches, business, communities, for discussion leading to action - what we can do for dads and families.
10:45-11:15 a.m. Voices of Children and Youth
Vice President and Tipper Gore introduced a series of interviews with children of different ages and backgrounds about their fathers and the men in their lives.
11:15 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. Program Response
This session featured invited responses from people actively engaged in programs working with men and children. Comments from the participants centered around some general needs which include changes in language and policy, educational programs, community commitment to fathering, and a whole-systems view of fathering.
Respondents recommended changing language in several ways: changing the language of fathering, to incorporate a concept of fathering that goes beyond biological contributions to conception; changing our definition of child support to incorporate commitment and responsibility to nurture; embracing more inclusive definitions of family; and eliminating the term "illegitimacy."
Respondents called for policy that undergirds the above changes, and called for holistic interpretations of fathering and support, so that courts recognize paternal contributions beyond money. Policy should recognize that fatherhood also does something for the father, in that people become fuller human beings because of the roles they fill.
Respondents also called for educational programs that teach fathers empathic skills such as seeing through a child's eyes, getting emotionally involved, and accepting responsibility for one's own behavior. Education for fathering should begin with today's children, getting started now for the next generation. Other educational needs include job training, including ancillary needs like transportation to job training.
Our society needs commitment to community fathering, which one speaker termed "dream-weaving," or creative approaches to fathering. We need modeling for adult dads who don't know how to father, due perhaps to inadequate or nonexistent positive models. For example, this could means a "big brother for dads" program, or a sort of guardian non ad litem program for children: not parents "at law," but a "volunteer dad" program of responsive males who are not necessarily biological fathers. These men could provide hope, which is desperately needed by children.
Speakers advocated a whole-system view of attachment theory, recognizing that community attachment is necessary as well, that people need to feel a part of mainstream USA. The session concluded with remarks by Kent Amos, who noted that the men on stage were representative of the "village" of men, men who care and demonstrate capacity and willingness, men who are the corridors of care beyond blood kin. People on the street can reach out, reach down to children. Children do not look for programs, and they don't look for mentoring. They look for fathers; in them, they look for nurturing.
12:00-2:30 p.m. Luncheon
Holiday Inn Crowne Plaza, 623 Union Street Entertainment by "Free Spirit" Address by the Reverend Jesse Jackson
A TAPE IS AVAILABLE
2:30-3:15 p.m. Women's Forum
Tipper Gore moderated this session, which featured a panel of six women who spoke of their own experiences as daughters, mothers, and sisters. The session was designed to provide a women's perspective on the role of men in their lives and in the lives of their children. All of the women on the panel were mothers, one was also a grandmother, and two of the women were single parents.
Panel members were asked to address their experience from the perspective of how their own fathers had shaped their lives. The women on the panel had had a variety of home environments--one from a family of 14 children, one whose parents were both immigrants, one whose father worked far away from home while she was growing up. However, the variety of responses to this question seemed to have some common elements. Fathers were viewed as shaping their daughters' lives in their traditional, more instrumental roles: as provider, protector, source of security, and caretaker. In addition to the instrumental roles, however, the women recounted having been extremely influenced by personal characteristics of their fathers: their being present physically and psychologically; possessing and modeling very strong values, particularly religious and spiritual values; being clear about their sense of partnership in the enterprise of being a family, including pulling together with their wives for common good; being loving, and being expressive with their loving. Several women mentioned the influence of other male figures (brothers, uncles, and men from the community).
In response to Tipper Gore's question about raising their sons to be good fathers, one panelist suggested that women should not belittle their children's fathers. Another panelist encouraged people to maintain a vision that includes many models of family, and to recognize that two-parent families cannot parent alone, either--they need the "village." Another panelist elaborated that adults "looking to the village" models for children the way to seek help in life. One mother shared her efforts to instill in her sons a sense of responsibility about giving life to another human being. Other suggestions included the fostering of skills and attributes like listening, dreaming (having a sense of possibility), having self-worth, being moral, having dignity, and seeking relationship with others.
Finally, in discussing the greatest barriers for fathers, the panel responses included societal violence ("I sometimes wonder if my son will live to be a man."), and a lack of basic resources ("I teach my boy all the things he can be and give, but in the end we lack resources."). In general, panelists acknowledged a need to trust men as fathers, to believe they can do the job, to look to dads first instead of last. In closing, one panelist suggested that rather than focusing on what the government should do, we need to focus on what we, the village, can do.
3:15-4:00 p.m. AND 4:00 - 4:55 p.m Strategies and Town Hall Forum
This session began by addressing policy issues and other strategies with which to respond to the problems and opportunities which had been brought forth in previous sessions. Respondents were representatives of agencies at the local, state, and federal levels. Later in the session, audience members participated in the discussion. The session was facilitated by Vice President Gore and Carol Rasco, who is Domestic Policy Assistant to President Clinton. Gore and Rasco encouraged participants to speak not only from their agency perspective, but also from their personal parenting and grandparenting experience, to the general issue of barriers and opportunities that currently exist in the system.
Some responses addressed very basic changes, such as including direct services to children when disasters occur, sending some kind of message about when not to have a child, supporting working families, and using some funding for non-custodial parents.
Again, a great deal of the discussion centered around the "wholevillage" approach. Ron Carter, with HUD, quoted a teen who, when addressing the needs of children without fathers, said "You can't save one tree when the forest is burning; you have to stop the fire." Carter elaborated that one of the problems addressed repeatedly in previous sessions could be transformed to a resource: unemployed males. Carter suggested that the government tap into and strengthen this rich resource of available men to serve as role models, perhaps in such roles as Head Start personnel. Sarah Whitman, Deputy Director of the National Civilian Community Corps, added that 60% of the homeless population are military veterans, and noted that one focus of the National Service Initiative (a Peace Corps-like involvement of 20,000 youth) will be to forge links between the youth and veterans.
Cheryl Sullivan, of the Indiana Family and Social Services Administration, noted that just as it takes a whole village to raise a child, it also takes a whole village to maintain a family. She noted that people do not necessarily work, worship, and go to school where they live, which raises questions of what their community is. She described "Step Ahead" programs which facilitate the community's response to its own citizens. Speakers also suggested "employment zones" which bring employment to where people live, and encouraging the private sector to initiate and expand family support with such features as flex-time and flex-place (working at home some of the time).
Many speakers decried the fragmentation that exists in service provision, and called for holistic approaches. Gore noted that our nation tends to define, group, and serve people in terms of pathology, which not only encourages people to adapt their behavior to the type of help they are getting, but also leads to fragmentation of services. Welfare reform suggestions centered around not economically punishing two-parent families. This approach would "level the playing field" so that services are available to a family when they have a child, whether there are one or two parents present in the home.
There is a need for both horizontal and vertical communication, so that local, state, and federal agencies are speaking to, and listening to, one another in service design and provision, in order to eliminate duplication of service and enrich what is available. Experimental programs to address this problem are underway in Indiana and West Virginia.
Without breaking, the session was then expanded to include audience participation. Speakers addressed a variety of points, including the observation that "best interest of the child" has become a sometimesempty phrase. Attenders were urged to support and participate in the upcoming United Nations Best Interest of the Child conference.
Other observations included the lament that, rather than the village defining what it means to be a man, a woman, a mother, a father, it is now often the media that create the definition. Often, those definitions exclude responsibility for children produced.
Attenders were encouraged to be action oriented, remembering that paralysis can occur if people wait until all the answers are in. Often, answers are shaped as the activities occur, so leaders should continue to debate and search, but do something. Participants particularly encouraged policy makers and administrators to get out from behind their desks and get "hands-on" in the field.
4:55-5:00 p.m. Closing Remarks - Vice President Al Gore
In concluding remarks, Vice President Gore noted that Family Reunion III has opened new avenues for change, for new relationships in the trenches, between practitioners and policy makers/implementers. He noted that there will be at least four concrete outcomes of Family Reunion III, and called on public agencies and private foundations to support these initiatives:
FatherNet on-line
- a coordinated research agenda to address and answer questions raised at Family Reunion III. Leadership for the research consortium will be shouldered by: The Children, Youth, and Family Consortium of the University of Minnesota The Center for Fathers and Families at the University of Pennsylvania Researchers at the Kennedy School of Government and the School of Public Health at Harvard University
- a nationwide Father-to-Father movement which matches experienced fathers with young or new dads in a one-to-one mentoring program
- a Family Reunion IV conference, to be held in the summer of 1995 In closing, Vice President Gore quoted Dr. Martin Luther King, who once said "Whether or not we do it depends on how we feel about not having done it so far."
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